Protects His Own
by muggleborn.dragon.ryder
Summary: Hiccup realizes something about Stoick that he never knew. POST SEQUEL. WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS. Featuring Valka. Rated T for grief and angst.


_**Protects His Own**_

**A/N: Hi, guys! First HTTYD 2 fic! I saw the movie today and I was blown away, I can tell you! I still feel like it doesn't quite measure up to the first, but it left me with the same emotions, the same feelings. And I love those feelings. Even though I felt like crying when Stoick died. And again during his funeral. And again at the end. Basically, I could have cried through the whole movie, but I held it back. I was in a crowded theater, after all. I don't really know what this story accomplishes, or if I even got the emotions Hiccup must be feeling correct. Will you please tell me if I did? **

**Also, I think I got his character down pretty well, but I don't know about Valka. How'd I do that? And, just, how'd I do overall? Hm? **

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I drum my fingers on the tabletop, pretending to be fascinated by each individual fingernail as it hits the wood. I listen for footsteps, straining my ears, almost waiting to hear the heavy, thumping ones I have become so used to these past twenty years. I close my eyes, feeling tears stinging behind my lids. Just thinking the word 'dad', remembering his face, makes a lump come into my throat, makes my eyes burn with tears. I can't think of it yet.

My fingers wrap around the warm mug, but I don't drink, just sit there and savor the heat, because I feel cold inside and out. I don't think my stomach could hold anything down right now, anyway, not even the warm milk swirling around in the cup.

When I hear the door swinging open, I look up, half-expecting it to be him in the doorway, but of course it's not. He's never coming back. Never. He's gone. I just can't wrap my mind around it.

Toothless is bounding in, tongue lolling out, pupils mercifully wide and playful again, and my mom enters a pace or two behind him, a sort of faint smile on her face.

"It's hard to remember what it's like to be part of a village," she breathes, sliding into the chair across from me. "For so long, it's been just me and my dragons."

I glance down at the milk again as Toothless comes over to me, nudging me gently with his nose.

"Hey, bud." My voice comes out a whisper and sounds oddly robotic, not like mine.

"Are you alright?" Mom glances away, over to me, concern evident in her features. The only piece of family I have left.

I can feel the lump in my throat building. "Yeah. I'm okay." My voice sounds like mine again, but she can hear it, she can tell that I'm choking up.

But instead of trying to speak, she just reaches over and takes my hand, lacing her fingers through mine. I glance up, surprised at the affectionate touch. She offers me a small smile before the tears begin to sting my eyes again, only this time, I let them pool up in my eyes and I let one make its way down my cheek. A man like that deserves more than the relatively few tears I have shed for him. I try to keep my voice under control when I speak. "I just can't help but think that I could have stopped it." I can't go louder than a trembling whisper. "I mean, I just sort of stood there. I could have…I could have stepped in front of him, done something to snap Toothless out of it, but…why didn't I try?"

"Hiccup." Mom's grip on my hand tightens. "I'm sorry that I haven't known Stoick for the twenty years you have, but I did know him for a long time. I knew him long enough to know that he wouldn't have regretted his decision. Not one bit."

"I regret his decision." My words are a bit louder this time, and the shake has disappeared for the time being. "An inch, two, three, would have been enough! Why didn't I do anything?"

"No one blames you—

"I blame me!" My voice is rising suddenly, much faster and louder than it was before. I'm practically shouting now, and my chair is back against the wall. I'm on my feet. I don't remember standing. "I blame me, Mom! I…I don't understand why, he was a good person, a great chief…the best leader we ever had…for as long as I can remember, he had this…this air of invincibility…I mean, stubborn, senseless, hard-headed, unreasonable, but he was the best chief Berk has ever seen! How, how can he just be…gone? Just like that, one second standing there, gone the next?"

Mom pushes her chair back and stands up, approaching me slowly, one hand outstretched like she's going to try to touch and soothe me the way one might with a dragon. But she doesn't. Instead, she pulls me into a tight hug, stroking my hair slowly, rocking me a little. I become aware of how wet my face and eyes are.

"Oh, Hiccup, my Hiccup," she breathes, "you mustn't blame yourself."

"I keep waiting for him." I gasp out, burying my face in her shoulder. I'm almost as tall as she is. Almost, but not quite. "I keep looking for him around the village, keep waiting for him to walk through that door, and then it h-hits me that he never will again!" My voice is muffled by her sleeve, but she seems to understand. I feel her nodding against my cheek, and I feel her hug me a bit tighter, pull me a bit closer, as if she thinks this will hold me together. She doesn't know that right now, it's the only thing that is.

She tangles her fingers in my hair, holding me gently, still doing that strange rocking, but she doesn't let me go. I don't know how long we stand there, but I'm not aware of anything until I pull away, studying her tearstained face. "I did this, Mom," I whisper brokenly. "I was so _stupid_, thinking I could reason with Drago…it's my fault he's gone. If I hadn't charged off like some pompous _idiot_, he'd still be here."

"Oh, Hiccup…" she sighs again, running a hand through my hair.

"How can I be expected to just get over that and keep running the village?" I swipe at my eyes with the back of my hand, because I don't want to lose it. I want to keep speaking. "How can I be expected to keep going? I mean, he's _gone_."

"Hiccup, this wasn't your fault," she insists. "It wasn't anyone's fault, not even Toothless'." she gestures to my dragon, who's looking worriedly up at me, nudging my arm repeatedly to get some form of response. I wonder how long he's been doing that without my notice. I scratch him lightly behind the ears, thinking over her words.

"Stoick would never…" Her voice breaks on his name, but she catches herself. "He would never want you to give up like this. He would have wanted you to keep going, just like he always did."

I stay silent, staring down at Toothless. I remember the day he tried to make me chief, the things he said.

_"Hiccup…" My dad sits down at the breakfast table, watching me from the corners of his eyes. It's clear he's about to say something serious, something I need to listen to. I set my fork down and tilt my head questioningly at him, but I'm not really paying that much attention. I'm mostly thinking of what islands Toothless and I might find today, if maybe we'll discover a new dragon species, and how high we can go this time before I begin have trouble breathing._

"_Okay, Dad, shoot," I tell him, reaching up to fiddle with my armor. A simple movement makes that darn fin pop out, but he doesn't notice, so I manage to shove it back in before he says anything._

"_You're the pride of Berk, son," Dad begins softly, and he sounds so sincere that I dart my gaze slowly up to his face, and then back down to the table. "And I couldn't be prouder."_

_I should be soaking up his praise, and I honestly am happy about what he's saying. But I know this is a gateway subject. I know that he's not setting out to heap praise on me by the bucketfuls, and besides that, that'd just be awkward. I've already had quite enough of him telling me how proud he is, and it was awkward the first three times, nice the next four, and awkward again after that._

"_Thanks, Dad…" I mumble, letting my eyes flick back down to my plate. Whatever he has to say, I hope he'll get it over with soon. Toothless is super impatient to go flying today; he's reflecting my own mood._

"_I've been noticing all these responsibility you've been taking on these past couple months," Dad continues in a stronger voice. "And you've been doing so well with it, Hiccup, so well. Other chieftains have even asked me if they can adopt you." He chuckles lightly before resuming his talk, but now he's smiling. "And I've come to realize that…I think you're ready for a bit more responsibility too."_

"_What, uh…what do you mean?" I sound nervous even to my own ears, but Dad doesn't seem to notice. He's really getting into his talk now._

"_You're becoming a man, Hiccup. You're growing up, you're exploring and discovering more and more on your own. And you have changed life for us so much…I just know you're going to be good at this."_

"_Be good at what?" But I have a sinking feeling that I know what. "Dad, what are you talking about?"_

"_I'm old, Hiccup." He begins quietly. "I'm old and I'm going to have to step down soon. I've given this village my all, Hiccup. And it's time you've started doing the same."_

"_No." I breathe, rising to my feet, feeling the insane urge to run, the urge to bolt out of there as fast as I can. "No!"_

"_Being a chief is a…a big job, but I think you know that," he continues, completely deaf to my horror. "But I'll be with you every step of the way, showing you the ropes. Once you've settled nicely into the routine of your job, you can start your life as well. Maybe even start a family." _

_My cheeks heat slightly, and I know this conversation needs to end. I want to yell at him. To scream that I don't want to be chief, that I'm never going to be chief. I'm not fit to be chief. I'm not him. I'm nothing like him. I don't want this. I don't want this cloak of greatness or responsibility or whatever thrust upon me. I want to take it off and I just want to be free. But the words won't come, because my mouth isn't working. In fact, the only part of me that seems to be working are my feet. So I use them._

Even then, even then when he was angry with me for running away, furious with me and scared for me when I tried to chase down Drago Bludvist, even then when he didn't agree with me, he never left me. He was always on my side and he never once turned his back, no matter how many times it felt to me like he did. And I see everything clearly now, I see it through his eyes. I see the way it must have happened to him, I suddenly see how foolish and stubborn I was being, and I regret every second of it. And I just wish that I'd listened, because I see now that he was only trying to protect me through it all, because a chief protects his own. A chief protects his own, and that was all he tried to do. Protect his own.


End file.
